Not that my job is my life or my life is my job, but I have no idea how the two got so intertwined! Actually, I would never have found out had a fateful fall weekend not threatened my job - that Sunday when it seemed that my company won't see the light of the next day. I paced in my living room with CNBC on all night. At 1.00am, my cell phone flashed a text message, "I'm scared!" It was a team member who was probably also trying to get through the same gut wrenching, longest night. I needed someone to reassure me, comfort me, so I called him back reassuring him, comforting him.

Today on February 7th, I look back in disbelief and look ahead in fear because every second of my waking hour, I'm haunted by this dreadful question: "Am I going to lose my job?" It brings along a strange dip in the stomach feeling. Today, I went to see a beautiful movie, "The Class." Even during the movie, the question kept hollering at me. Decent people around me have disappeared. One day they came to work and within hours their desks were empty.

Sometimes I feel maybe it would have been better if I were picking apples in Napa Valley. But, I am not going to be able to do that, and I will tell you "why" later, for the time being, while this dreadful question keep sucking the peace out of me, a bit by bit, second by second, I am going try to share my experiences, and my fears on these pages so that by unleashing my demons, I can breathe a little easy.

So long!